I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
