some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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