i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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