My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
