I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
