you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
