Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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