I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
