just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
