Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
