did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
