3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
