Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
