I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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