I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
