So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
