my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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