im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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