Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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