I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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