i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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