think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
