I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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