Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
