You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
