I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
