Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
