4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
