Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
