My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
