yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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