plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
