You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
