you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
