I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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