How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
