Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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