well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
