He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
