There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
