Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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