Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
