Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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