she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
