Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
