I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
