my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
