I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
