im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I need to stop coming to work sober
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
