So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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