Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
