I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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