even my farts smell like vagina
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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